Quebec, Land of the Canoeing Devil

Here begins my account of this year's winter Olympics. I was going to write about each event individually, but with the Olympics going on every day...it's a little hard to keep up. so here is my account of all of the main events that have been happening this past week.
Let's start with the opening ceremony...

This year, at the Olympics opening ceremony, the commentators said that the only difference between this ceremony and the one in Beijing would be that the parade of nations would come before the rest of the show. They said that it would be better than usual, when the people would normally be lined up in a parking lot, this way they could sit back and enjoy the whole performance...I disagree. [stupid commercials]
There was nothing enjoyable in the performance. I would rather be outside, lined up in a parking lot in snow and sleet and fiery hail instead of watching that show. It was one of those awful times in life where you sit back after doing something and realize you've just wasted hours of your life. [extra stupid commercials]
I don't see that there was anything "breathtaking" or "spectacular" or "amazing" about that performance. Unless a drunk man's dream of gansta-Scottish people wearing ripped up kilts is amazing... Maybe they meant Spectacular in context of the Christmas decoration gone bad polar-bear-god. I don't think it was that great, though it would've taken someone with at least as much acting talent as Julie Andrews to pretend to be afraid of it.
Wonderful. Breathtaking. Just great...
[extra stupid-er commercials]
Maybe, if all the commentators represent what people really think, I'm the only one who doesn't like the performance because I'm extremely concrete. Or maybe I'm the only one who'd get nightmares from watching a canoeing devil compete with it's shadow on playing the fiddle...or maybe he was a werewolf, you decide. [Joss goes to bed really confused after the torch lighting goes bad]
3 words I would use to describe the opening ceremony: weird, abstract, Purple polka dotted ponies (Hey, in that ceremony, that wouldn't have been too out of place!)
FAQ's of the opening ceremony: what's going on? is that supposed to be the devil? I think I'm missing something...what's going on with the...why is that...who is...what's going on???

Then, after a couple of days, my favorite part of the Olympics comes. Pair figure skating. They showed the first couple of skaters and then made us watch some boring event before getting to see the rest...maybe it was skiing. (is it just me or does the news channel treat us like I used to treat my dog when I was training her : "Sit! Stay! drops treat in front of nose. Leave it! Down...) just making us go through a bunch of stuff before we actually see what we want to see. But finally we get to see the pairs out on the ice...then I found out that we weren't watching pair figure skating...we were watching a new sport called "pair figure falling where your partner drops you and you try not to cut his neck as you fall on the ice." I can hardly remember a single routine where they didn't fall. And don't even get me started on how the judges never rank the team that you like first.
After pff (abbreviated from new sport title), we went to men's figure...skating! (They didn't fall quite so much. ) But I would rather have watched every single one of them fall instead of watching them...shake their hips? And wear a corset??!!!! I'm not going into detail right now, but you can check my mom's blog for detail on everything I'm writing about.

And finally, speed skating. That's where real men skate! It's kind of like a mix between figure skating and hockey. figure skating :they're on the ice and wearing skates. Hockey: they actually have mini fights on the ice! The pushing and shoving in those races got me screaming almost as loud as when Yevegeni Plushenko licked his hands while shaking his hips and flirting with the judges.

Well, that has me caught about up in all the interesting events that have happened so far...the next time interesting things come up, I'll be able to go over them a little more in depth.